when love tells a story
"its been 2 years im with him..falling in love everyday for him..and let him be everything that i ever wanted..he's the story that i want to tell and definitely the song that i want to sing. but our love isn't tells fun story all the time, despite of our feeling want to be together, we walked a tough journey..it was never easy for us both.
i would always want to write about our love story, cause i never want to missed it, even a little moment that we had together. being apart from him like this, makes me thinking of moment if i would be forever away from him. days awaiting for me..of which i never knew how am i going to pull through.
the minute i heard Brad's little moment, i just couldnt want anything else, but the girl he sang about. i was never perfect, not even close to. especially when it comes to love. when life getting more and more complicated i would just lost. just to make him understand me isn't easy too. we've always ended up at no where, again and again.
i'm just hoping that he could bear just a little longer with me, that he will still take me in when i'm lost and laugh even i tells bad jokes..that he can always handle me at my worst..that he'll never turning his back on me and walked away when i lost the track. i've always try hard for both of us..and i knew he did too. maybe i did over reacted sometimes,yet despair and messed up. yeah..that ain't makes me proud anyway.. and somehow i cant help myself to think about he's shouldn't had to do these for me. i am seriously annoying and screw up things..
And sometimes I ponder whether or not everything does truly happen for a reason, cause ive always fells like i dint have enough reason to take on something. and does things happen for no reasons too? i dont know either.
telling him that i love him, I know i should be ready to let him go one day, and have a better person than i am. i dint give credit to the thought of sacrifices plays big part in loving someone. So maybe had to have my head on straight and admit it now..
he might not know, despite of him not wanting me to hoping too much in him, i ask for nothing more than he to be the one that yells at me when I whine about life and the one that's picked me up when I fell. and i wouldn't have to ponder whether he loves me or cares or not.
most of the time, i rather be a coward to not think about if i would have to let him go someday. i was little too protective over myself, scared to death to get hurt. which turned me onto selfish person, unreasonable, pathetic and stupid? i hate myself over those 'traits' and feels like quitting sometimes. and i know too, to gave up something that i never want to somehow better than 'kill' the person that i truly love. its just at some points, some people who are precious and i valued most are rather important than the 'me' i had for these 20 something years back.
guess i'll have to spare my guts jus a little more, cause i know..i wont live forever and i've love him from the day he walked into my life. i always do yet knowing that i cant make him love me and he deserved his own life. he's the only one that will chose over whatever he want cause he knew the best that he should get. its damn hard to 'behave' myself but its still okay cause i love him and that matter most.the 2nd most..i really wanna be his ' little moment'. ( i still sound selfish haa..^^, its okay too, ill take that as some kind of -fish call sel.) "
